Jaymie's story pt. ?

I glanced up from the pages of my book to watch the rain as it began to pound on the window. I slowly let the book down next to me  on the window seat as I brought my knees up to my chest and set my chin on them. How can I go on like this? It's been four weeks since I've talked to him. No call, no text. Just unanswered questions and memories of apparently nothing but nothing. I gazed at the patterns the rain made on the window as it slid down in streams and puddled on the sill. I never cry, I keep my feelings inside for the most part, other than anger, and can't help but wish that the rain would cry for me and make everything better. I've tried forgetting but you can't ever forget, especially when you know you weren't wrong. How does this ever make any sense? It won't. He didn't even talk to me about anything. It just ended and I couldn't do anything about it. Was I wrong? That is the question that has been running through my mind. The conclusion always coming to me going over things over and over again trying to figure out what went wrong. No, I didn't do anything wrong. I have tried forgetting about it many times; reading books, playing piano, making up new songs and stories. Nothing helps. It never has. He caught my heart and I had no way of protecting it because his way of grabbing my mind made the fall harder. Is he sorry? No. Does he care? Most likely not.
                              I wiped a tear away from my cheek as I grabbed my book again to try to envelope my mind into someone else's life instead of my own. This was the first time I had cried in months. I stared at the pages, reading the same paragraph over and over again. If I had taken a test on it I would have gotten an "F"; nothing I read was retained. Suddenly I threw my book at the wall, making a huge dent where the spine hit, and I covered my face with my hands as I began weeping. I heard footsteps down the hall coming closer and I jumped up and sprinted to the door to lock it, whimpering loudly. I locked it just in time as I felt my mom try to force the door open.
 "Jaymie, are you alright?"
"Go away!" I screamed, sobbing as I leaned my back against the door and slid to the floor. This is no way to act but I couldn't help it now that the flood started. Mom kept frantically knocking on my door and trying to convince me to open it but I kept on crying. Pretty soon she gave up and I could hear her footsteps disappearing down the hall. My sobs were not as loud but still the tears couldn't stop. I tried stopping but just moaned and fell face first on the floor. Why is this happening?
 I heard my phone buzz and I lifted my face to look for it. I pushed myself up and, tears still running down my face I crawled to the window seat again and grabbed the phone that was sitting on the cushion.