beginnings

Sometimes things come to an end. Not always are they the best or the most favorite things to allow to happen but they are not only the things that need to happen. The things that make us stronger than who we ever thought we could be. She gazed out the window contemplating her next move. Should she call him back or let it go. Four years of her life she gave him and it all turned out to be a waste. But really was it what everyone would call "failure" and "it doesnt matter anymore" would she let herself believe that it all wasnt true and there really is no such thing as "true love." No matter what other turmoil was going on in her head she knew that he was in her life for a reason and that regretting it would just mean that she was ignoring and horrified at what she became which is the exact opposite of the thoughts running through her mind. She grabbed a pillow off her bed and sat on her window seat, letting tears stream down her face and they seemed like fire on her raw, freezing cheeks. Her mind went many places but the thoughts were all connected, not wanting to forget the past but also wanting to not so much plan her future but know where to begin. Is there actually a love out there that can actually last? Does it come by us with fear or with happiness? Which one is going to hit her because she is visibly tired of the nasty games that ensue around her and her only control is to end it before it gets worse for her and better for him. That doesn't make sence but actually it should. The happiness found in love can only be achieved by a model of the higher power and if only one person in the duo believes that that is the model to live by, the relationship's lasting promise gets jeaprodized. Truth? Possibly. But thinking things over, she wiped her firey cheeks and sniffled as she got up from her windowseat and threw her phone on her bed, and walked out the door.

Sitting here looking out the window

I sat here, looking out the window, watching at the time went by and I wonder. What about? The sky, the birds, the cars, the houses, the people, the cities. Nothing in particular. Nothing at all. Does anything matter? Does everything matter? Does the fly that's ticking my ear and annoying me matter? does the music that is playing in the background matter to anyone but me? Why do I sit here and think about questions? When will the answers come or when will they actually make since? I sat at the piano and played a note, pretty soon I was forming a melody that I had made up in my mind but that didn't make since but still was beautiful but...not complete. Does my life actually play out like this? No aim, something good but never an end? The questions kept coming and I couldn't take it anymore. I got up, frustrated, and grabbed my keys and jacket as I mumbled "I'll be back soon" to mom and walked out the door. I didn't plan on going anywhere in particular but its where I always end up going. I sat in my car for a good five minutes before I got enough courage to get out of the car and close the door behind me. I walked beneath the trees and looked down mostly, but every once in a while I would hear the sound of someone approaching and glance up to make sure I wasn't in their way. No one knew me, no one should even want to know me. I reached my destination and let a sigh of relief slip from my lungs and desinigrate into the cold crisp air. I looked out over the river and watched as a barge chugged by, the birds chattering in the air and trees above me. I could feel the wooden railing beneath my arms as I leaned against it.
I heard nothing
Felt nothing
Finally.
The answer.