Savannah

It is always interesting to me how every new place or city you go to has a different smell - not one primarily of spices but one that depicts a way of living. It's a smell that does not always match your sight but they usually get accustomed to each other after a short walk.
Savannah, Georgia is a very interesting experience. There are thousands of towns along the east coast that have buildings almost as old as this great country - but in Savannah, there is something different about Savannah. When you walk down the main streets, finding memorials to war and statues of great heroes of the past you cannot help but feel like it was only yesterday they were erected. Though people are not dressed in costume they all play a part in the reenactment; as though nothing has changed for the past two hundred years and no one has any intention of changing. Yes, restaurants, stores and people go in and out of the town but the feel stays the same, the smell is two hundred years old. The great bowing trees that make a cover the sidewalks and houses, are dripping with Spanish Moss in a way it seems to keep the atmosphere steadily moving on the same as it has always been. The houses on the main street all have little plaques that read their years, some dating back to the 1700's, reminding you of just how old the city really is and how alive it still is today. Throughout Savannah there are little parks that make a sort of a break in the middle of the houses, a little resting stop for walkers. It is here that most of the memorials and statues are placed and is here where the tourists with their whit tennis shoes and visors congregate to get every little piece of info. Not wanting to be caught with the tourists I shoved my hands in my pockets as I continued on past the third park and down the fourth street on the left, just as the concierge told me. Every time I blinked I kept my eyes closed for a split second longer so that I could imagine a bit of what it would have been like, you can still hear the horses hooves and people chattering...the smell I imagined would be similar back then though now it has a bit of industrial flavor that is not all unwelcome but just enough change to ground your thoughts. The river was in sight when the street broke the line of houses and I paused a bit every time just to let the image sink in. My hair sticking to my face, I pressed on to the little cafe, smiling every so often at anyone who would look at me, smelling every single shop and restaurant that I passed, wanting to walk in and try every single one of them.
The cafe was a small thing on the corner, a little bakery that had been there forever. I ordered some sandwiches and chatted a bit with the kid behind the counter before starting to head back through old town Savannah to the hotel and to my family; this was the first vacation I have been on since school started and they couldn't have picked a better place. Before I turned back towards the third park I couldn't help after being visually taunted a bit to turn down one of the roads that led to the river. Though it wasn't too much of a rebellious decision it gave me some sort of high exploring for myself a bit. I don't know if it was the sky getting darker or what but I noticed that the houses didn't get much lighter as I continued to walk. It wasn't far but it felt like I had entered into another territory, not unhappy but I think it just felt older. I got to the end of the street and slowly climbed down some perilous stairs that had been there obviously since the city began. With the help of the railing I finished scaling the stairs on the ancient wall and avoided the gaping holes in the cobblestones as I shuffled myself to the big chain fence that separated the river parking from the street. With no surprise the biggest thing that caught my eye was a big globe that was cut in half as you looked out towards the river. I swung both legs over and walked up to it, stepping between it carefully like it was going to clamp down on me like a clam. There were names written of men that had served in World War II, men that gave their lives for our country in the war that split the world in half. It was quite an experience for me. My brother is now in the Navy and I knew that someday he might have his name written on a plaque somewhere commemorating his life. I stayed there for a while, letting the thoughts of all that have walked through this open tunnel hug me while I let a tear cool my cheek. I left a thought and a prayer as I walked out the other side. It was right then that I noticed a group of about six wanderers sitting on and around a bench, playing their various instruments. Some were young and some were a bit older but they were all signing together and making music. The street lights had been on for a while but just at this moment they were starting to show their presence as the sun began to sink towards the horizon. I could hear laughter from the river boat just a little ways up and music blaring in a yellow feel, but it didn't drown out the wanderers. I am more used to sea air now than river but to me this smell felt like home, the muddy texture and wet breeze took me back a little as I watched the smoke stacks push out their black clouds. I realized I liked being on this side of the river, I looked out and didn't mind staying put right where I was instead of trying to reach the other place I could see. The river people singing me into history and cobblestones beneath my feet brought me to a place I knew was timeless - This is why I travel.


Experiencing life through travel is one of the most intriguing thing about life. I know that God wanted me to travel because there is not place that feels more like home than when I am able to experience a culture to its fullest. I am taking a class called "Travel Writing" that pushes me to experience travel and to write about it so here I am, for some of you it has been years, writing again in this blog. I have been learning from the reading so much about style and experience. Two people can experience a place and their experiences may be similar but their writings are going to be vastly different. Some people write in narrative - which is my favored method of writing - and some like to write down the facts and all the little things they learned about the place. I read about a man's trip to Cuba with his wife and it was breathtaking how he described life, how he narrated his trip. I have the travel bug so when people narrate things I am able to experience what they experienced even through their eyes. Imagination is the most freeing thing that we have as humans because no matter what people do to us they cannot take away our thoughts, they can control them to a certain extent but we always have the ability to imagine things. So thus starts this travel blog, "Today Is the Day" is my experiential gift to you :)

beginnings

Sometimes things come to an end. Not always are they the best or the most favorite things to allow to happen but they are not only the things that need to happen. The things that make us stronger than who we ever thought we could be. She gazed out the window contemplating her next move. Should she call him back or let it go. Four years of her life she gave him and it all turned out to be a waste. But really was it what everyone would call "failure" and "it doesnt matter anymore" would she let herself believe that it all wasnt true and there really is no such thing as "true love." No matter what other turmoil was going on in her head she knew that he was in her life for a reason and that regretting it would just mean that she was ignoring and horrified at what she became which is the exact opposite of the thoughts running through her mind. She grabbed a pillow off her bed and sat on her window seat, letting tears stream down her face and they seemed like fire on her raw, freezing cheeks. Her mind went many places but the thoughts were all connected, not wanting to forget the past but also wanting to not so much plan her future but know where to begin. Is there actually a love out there that can actually last? Does it come by us with fear or with happiness? Which one is going to hit her because she is visibly tired of the nasty games that ensue around her and her only control is to end it before it gets worse for her and better for him. That doesn't make sence but actually it should. The happiness found in love can only be achieved by a model of the higher power and if only one person in the duo believes that that is the model to live by, the relationship's lasting promise gets jeaprodized. Truth? Possibly. But thinking things over, she wiped her firey cheeks and sniffled as she got up from her windowseat and threw her phone on her bed, and walked out the door.

Sitting here looking out the window

I sat here, looking out the window, watching at the time went by and I wonder. What about? The sky, the birds, the cars, the houses, the people, the cities. Nothing in particular. Nothing at all. Does anything matter? Does everything matter? Does the fly that's ticking my ear and annoying me matter? does the music that is playing in the background matter to anyone but me? Why do I sit here and think about questions? When will the answers come or when will they actually make since? I sat at the piano and played a note, pretty soon I was forming a melody that I had made up in my mind but that didn't make since but still was beautiful but...not complete. Does my life actually play out like this? No aim, something good but never an end? The questions kept coming and I couldn't take it anymore. I got up, frustrated, and grabbed my keys and jacket as I mumbled "I'll be back soon" to mom and walked out the door. I didn't plan on going anywhere in particular but its where I always end up going. I sat in my car for a good five minutes before I got enough courage to get out of the car and close the door behind me. I walked beneath the trees and looked down mostly, but every once in a while I would hear the sound of someone approaching and glance up to make sure I wasn't in their way. No one knew me, no one should even want to know me. I reached my destination and let a sigh of relief slip from my lungs and desinigrate into the cold crisp air. I looked out over the river and watched as a barge chugged by, the birds chattering in the air and trees above me. I could feel the wooden railing beneath my arms as I leaned against it.
I heard nothing
Felt nothing
Finally.
The answer.

growing up...

I sat here today thinking that wouldn't it be wonderful to be out on my own? No curfew, no rules, no parents telling me what to do, how to dress, how to live. Nothing to tell me where to go, who I go with and how I do it. Is that really what growing up is about? Not having anyone tell me what to do or how to act. Growing up isn't just the moment when you leave for college and you take your first step out of your dorm to go explore a campus or you get your first apartment. Growing up was all about getting told what to do when to do it and how to do it, growing up is right now and, honestly, I don't believe that it will ever stop. You will never be "grown up" because you can even see it in your parent's eyes, they are still a teenager at heart and they don't know everything there is to being "grown up." yes as time goes on you gain more responsibility and more trust in people, you get married, you have kids, you get a job, you buy your first house and your first car...but when you actually think about it, your whole if is other people telling you what to do, where to be, how to act and how to live your life that you thought you would have to yourself. If you grew up on your own terms where would you be? If you made yourself who you are by yourself what would become of your personality? So next time I sit down and get angry at people telling me what to do, I will remember that those people telling me what to do, how to do it, and when to do it are the same people that are helping me "grow up" whether I agree or not. Life is about choices. Am I going to make the choice to take what has been taught or do I start over my life how I thought I should have been raised? Either way, my life was influenced on decisions and choices of the other people as well, and when I have little ones of my own I will remember how I felt and also remember my choices effect how a person makes their own choices.

Jaymie's story pt. ??

My mind was going mush after looking at the computer screen for hours waiting and watching for him to possibly come online or even to text me. I was doing homework kind of, but not really paying attention to anything other than my own thoughts that drowned out any thinking process needed for schoolwork.
I jumped when my phone buzzed and I quickly looked to see who it was. Natalie was calling. I quickly answered,
"Hey, what's up?"
"Hey, can you meet me by the park. Like, NOW!"
My heart stood still. Any time she was talking about "the park" I knew it had to do with Jake, my ex. My blood began to boil as I was running through scenarios in my mind.
"Why do I need to meet you at the park, is Jake there?" my voice was stern as I got up from the computer and grabbed my keys and wallet that were laying on my bed.
"I'll explain when you get here, just get here." she hung up.
"CRAP!" I yelled as I ran out the door.
"Jaymie!" mom yelled after me, "Where are you going??" she was following me to the car, I didn't stop I just opened my door and got in. Mom got there and knocked on the window. I shoved my keys into the car and  rolled down the window.
"I'll be back 45 minutes tops, I promise." I said turning the key.  My car roared to life and I put the car in drive.
"Where are you going young lady." She grabbed my wheel and glared at me.
"To meet Natalie. Everything is fine, I will be back I promise." I began to roll up the window and she recoiled her hand from the wheel and sat there dumbfounded.  I jolted forward and I was on my way, not caring to look back or to even glance in the rear view mirrors. I pulled out my phone again and dialed Natalie's number. She didn't pick up and I threw my phone on the seat next to me, growling in frustration. I had no idea what I was getting myself into at the moment but I knew this situation had to do with Jake.
    My phone buzzed and I picked it up. Natalie texted me saying "Where r u??" I pressed call and held the phone to my ear. She didn't answer. I was stopped at a stoplight and sent her a text back, "2 min away." She called me and I picked up, "Whats up."
"OK, so don't get mad, let me explain..."
"Are you with Jake?" I asked sternly.
"I knew you would catch on."
"Well, Duh."
"So, he just asked me to come hook up with him at the park." she paused for my reaction. I didn't say anything so she continued, "And I don't know what to do, I told him I'd be there." I heard her voice start to choke up like she was about to cry while on the flip-side,  I was exploding with rage on the inside. I swallowed hard and sighed.
"This is what you are going to do - Are you there right now?"
"Almost."
"Alright, when you get there, do everything as planned, start making out with him or something. Then I will be there soon and when I show up I am going to come to the car and have a little surprise party. Sound good?"
"I'm here. He's here. Holy crap. Jay, I don't think I can do this..."
"Believe me it will be worth it." My fury was bleeding away into just plain adrenaline; my heart was pounding out of my chest.
"He's coming to my car I have to go!" and she was disconnected. The park was just around the corner and I waited by the curb of the street before I slowly turned into the parking lot with my lights off. I went into the parking lot but kept going around to the other side of the park to park my car away from them. I slowly got out after parking and walked over to Natalie's car. There they were, kissing. She seemed so uncomfortable, I saw her look up and I smiled at her with a glint in my eye. I stood with my arms crossed and kicked the door. Jake broke away and stared at me with wide, scared eyes. We just sat there for a few moments. Me glaring, him peeing his pants and Natalie burying her face in her hands.
               I walked away then without a word. I heard someone get out of a car and get into another one. I heard a car start and then speed away. I didn't bother to look back, not to mention I was trying to hold back my laughter. I heard another car start up and I saw Natalie driving over to where my car was parked. I sped up then to get to her while I burst out laughing.

Jaymie's story pt. ?

I glanced up from the pages of my book to watch the rain as it began to pound on the window. I slowly let the book down next to me  on the window seat as I brought my knees up to my chest and set my chin on them. How can I go on like this? It's been four weeks since I've talked to him. No call, no text. Just unanswered questions and memories of apparently nothing but nothing. I gazed at the patterns the rain made on the window as it slid down in streams and puddled on the sill. I never cry, I keep my feelings inside for the most part, other than anger, and can't help but wish that the rain would cry for me and make everything better. I've tried forgetting but you can't ever forget, especially when you know you weren't wrong. How does this ever make any sense? It won't. He didn't even talk to me about anything. It just ended and I couldn't do anything about it. Was I wrong? That is the question that has been running through my mind. The conclusion always coming to me going over things over and over again trying to figure out what went wrong. No, I didn't do anything wrong. I have tried forgetting about it many times; reading books, playing piano, making up new songs and stories. Nothing helps. It never has. He caught my heart and I had no way of protecting it because his way of grabbing my mind made the fall harder. Is he sorry? No. Does he care? Most likely not.
                              I wiped a tear away from my cheek as I grabbed my book again to try to envelope my mind into someone else's life instead of my own. This was the first time I had cried in months. I stared at the pages, reading the same paragraph over and over again. If I had taken a test on it I would have gotten an "F"; nothing I read was retained. Suddenly I threw my book at the wall, making a huge dent where the spine hit, and I covered my face with my hands as I began weeping. I heard footsteps down the hall coming closer and I jumped up and sprinted to the door to lock it, whimpering loudly. I locked it just in time as I felt my mom try to force the door open.
 "Jaymie, are you alright?"
"Go away!" I screamed, sobbing as I leaned my back against the door and slid to the floor. This is no way to act but I couldn't help it now that the flood started. Mom kept frantically knocking on my door and trying to convince me to open it but I kept on crying. Pretty soon she gave up and I could hear her footsteps disappearing down the hall. My sobs were not as loud but still the tears couldn't stop. I tried stopping but just moaned and fell face first on the floor. Why is this happening?
 I heard my phone buzz and I lifted my face to look for it. I pushed myself up and, tears still running down my face I crawled to the window seat again and grabbed the phone that was sitting on the cushion.

What happens next?

What happens next? People cannot be trusted, hardly anyone can be truely loved and no one has the right to anything. When someone lies to you, goes behind your back, says they love you and feels like they are entitled to your time, you tend to start to feel like there is no hope for someone better because you cared about them and felt like they were your last hope. Sinking into a hole of feeling alone even when your in a room of crowded people is the worst feeling I'm sure everyone has felt. Having your heart touched by someone in a way that was "different" from the rest is something that happens frequently, never enough, but too much. Relationships make no since which is why I think we all want one, to try and make sence of it but end up hurt and confused. Is it really fair how we all strive for the best but end up with something we never thought we would get? When you know there is something going on but you cannot do anything about it until it comes out? When they lie and you cannot back up your case, or when you find them going behind your back but they dont care, when they say they love you but then dont really care about you, and when they demand your time but are so willing to say "no" when a video game or sports game is in play. How do we go from here, what is the answer to what we are searching for? Is there no hope, is there noone who will ever do opposite of all these things? Are we waiting for that person that will ever lie to us, never go behind our backs, never say they love you unless they truely mean it and never keep playing when you need to be with them? No one will be perfect. No man will be smart enough to know everything a girl is feeling and vice versa. But I believe that if I wait long enough and don't settle, then he/she will come. God has a purpose and a plan. I know that whoever that person is, is the perfect fit for me and for my family too. Listen to the wind, let the rain come, let river flood. I know that our short time here is insignificant to what comes after and it's silly to be upset when things dont work out. As Edison said "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."